Surfing the Tides of Change  

BY MATTHEW ROBERTSON

I caught my first wave this year at age 34.

As I paddled out towards the break and the seafloor fell away beneath my feet, the familiar pit in my stomach returned. Flashes of memory zipped across my mind’s eye and I briefly became my 15-year-old self again, battling the waves with my father as he struggled to keep his head above the surface. We’d been playing in the ocean for hours – my all-time favorite activity – and were now quite far from shore. “Do you need help?” I asked him as we caught each other’s eye. “Yes,” he managed to respond.

“Slow, deep breaths, Matty,” I told myself, and the memory began to subside. Recalling my training, I concentrated in the lower belly, drawing attention down from the racing thoughts in my head and anxious buzzing in my chest. A few more strokes and I emerged past the break, sitting upright on my board: an 8’6” cream-colored wave-rider with an aqua channel ascending its center. My body found its balance in the churning tide beneath me. My awareness relaxed. And I took in the cool breeze, clear light, and pristine colors of Costa Rica’s southern Pacific coast.

The beauty of the moment was invigorating. A sudden upwelling of emotion swept through me, and, in an instant of pure surrender, I returned saltwater tears to the ocean. In that moment of release I felt peace, my inner and outer world a single energy – alive, aware, and interacting. Then, as if the ocean opened its hands and offered me a pearl, I felt the presence of my father join me, and we sat in silence, reveling in the spectacle of nature.

As I enter my mid-30s, I sense a quiet shift into a new cycle of life. The glittering idealism of youth gives way to the gentle wisdom of accepting change. I now recognize these small moments of surrender are the pearls I’ve been seeking. With a faint voice through an open doorway, life patiently instructs me that only by releasing my desires may I experience them fulfilled. I’ve been holding on to them for so long – to the search for the perfect wave, to my father in the water that day as my childhood washed away, and to all the ways I kept myself from drowning before I learned to swim. Slowly, the very paddles I used to float became anchors around my feet.

Now, I’m learning to unchain myself from the shackles of the past. All my striving – all this effort – prepares me for when the moment arrives to say “Yes” and let go, offering myself to the tides of change. As I grasped my father’s body and signaled for help on that fateful day, this simple “Yes” was the final gift he gave me before slipping into the next chapter of his soul’s great adventure. “Yes” – a lifelong reminder that in the final moment of surrender, we may find our greatest strength. That by facing our pain with the energy of presence, we ride into the next chapter of our own great adventure. Thank you, Dad. For everything.

Still, amid the chaos of our time, I feel the weight of desire for our shared world to regain its poise. I wonder how previous generations found safe passage through these stormy seas. What wisdom did they learn, and what unique teaching is being offered to our time? How do we reconcile the urgent need for change with this pathway of surrender? The art of life is how we hold the paradox.

Not coincidentally, just as we ask the questions, the curvatures of an answer appear on the horizon. The tides of change are here. We’re called to shed the weights around our ankles, align ourselves with the coming swell, and paddle hard. Remaining open-hearted to the vision of transformation as the moment of change arrives, we finally surrender our control and surf the wave of life into the next cycle of being.

Thus, in our historical moment, the direction of responsibility turns inward; the rest is already set in motion. Though it feels a solitary path, it is one we walk together. As we learn from each other’s experience and practice sharing our own, the burden for each is eased. A larger truth emerges. The moment of surrender is always arriving inside us – each instant an invitation to step into a new world, one that’s been with us all along as we journey home together and rejoice in the fullness of life.

As I wait for the right wave to carry me back to shore, I can’t help but imagine that if someone were high above watching this little tribe of surfers, they’d smile and think, “Those folks have got it figured out.” The wave arrives, and I glide back to shore with newfound faith. Reflecting on the day I think, “Did I enjoy the ride?” and am at peace, knowing that there’s only one true answer.

What will you say “Yes” to today?